I really don't know where to start. We've gone a long way. And it seems there's no going back. Just keep on moving forward. This November was the mark for my 4th year here in the US. You might ask me if I have gone home. Home....hmmm. Inspite living in the US for 4 years, married with a daughter. I have my family here basically, but for some reason, home still means back home to our old old falling apart home near the beach where I grew up.

Im working now in the hospital. Supporting my family and working my butt off to pay the bills. I'm between the feeling of happiness and grateful for having a job so people would look up to me and say I have worth and the feeling of dread and scared not wanting the big responsibilities which comes with my kind of job.

My husband, the love of my life, lived up being the great husband and doting father to our daughter. He is the rock and foundation of our little and very closed family. My daughter is now 2 years old almost 3. She is behind with her speaking skills, and it worries me. Well, everything seems to worry me.

Life in the US changed me. In a sad way. I used to just let it go kind of person. I don't think about work like its the most scary thing to do in the whole wide world. But suddenly, I dread to go to work. I am scared to make mistakes. I am scared what my day at work would bring. Every single day. It's eating my soul. My husband is always there to support and calm me down. But its not working.

Everytime I hug and kiss my daughter tight, I pity her for having a mother who goes to work and leave her behind with her father. I regret doing what I have to do every time I kiss her goodbye at work and telling her that Nanay has to work. I just think that, I am not the only one doing this.

At the last thought, my family and I just trust in God. I always say, why life is tough. We cant do anything but pray to God for guidance, perseverance, blessings at work for having a good day all the time to motivate me to go back to work everyday.

Ive been thinking of writing something as a therapy for me. Ive been pushed to do a lot of things I never would have wanted or I have no other choice if I want a quality life for me and my family. But I hope someday, I could write something that would be more inspirational and motivational. I don't like writing something that is not happy in nature. But I just want to write this as a therapy for me.

Till next time. I would imagine one day, I would write here something that is full of joy and satisfaction with life. In God we offer everything. So, help us Lord. Amen